Useless Blogging

This month’s ThinkGeek haiku winner:

Client with no specs.
Wants results in two weeks time.
Must. Not. Kill. Must. Not.

It amazes me that people can look at our president without feeling great shame anymore.

I don’t own a dog, but dogs have made me miserable today.

Mandated day in the office for the purposes of finding our if I get to keep my job. The good news; apparently I do.

The bad news: today was easily the most aggravating day of travel I’ve had in years. Indeed, the traffic reporter (who has covered this town as long as I can remember) repeatedly proclaimed to day to be the worst day for commuting that he’d seen in many years. The only good thing I can mention is that I got to see a car propped up on its driver-side door, which I don’t get to see on a regular basis.

Once again, an exercise for the reader. The task? Answer the question: “Why is he posting this?” Bonus points for not posting the answer in a public forum, thereby enhancing the cryptic nature of my non-emotional rant.

40+ Tips to Improve your Grammar and Punctuation – by Dumb Little Man

Note the category.

I had to submit my year-end accomplishments. Yes, in the middle of November, with six weeks left in the year, 10% of the year to go.

Now I have to make sure I don’t do anything special between now and January.

Effective immediately, my reporting hierarchy north of my immediate supervisor is radically altered. However, I’m supposed to make-believe that everything’s the same until I hear something further than “Your reporting hierarchy is radically altered effective immediately.”

Mmmmmmmmmm corporate life.

Junk mail does not make me want to vote for you, or against the person you’re slamming.
Phone calls SURE AS HELL don’t make me want to vote for you, ESPECIALLY when they do nothing but talk about how crappy the other guy is.

You want me to vote for you? Put your platform online and let me read it.

Hello, Dear Reader.

If you’re not a regular, recent events lead me to believe you were drawn here due to a VTunnel reference. The aforementioned events would also lead me to think that you’re seeking some kind of way around a school proxy for the purposes of littering the internet with your myspace account.

From the spelling and wording of some of the shoutbox requests I’ve received, I offer the following advice to you who would seek to run an end-around on the educational system…

STOP IT. You can’t spell. You can barely form a coherent sentence. Instead of trying to cheat the education system so you can thank Weird Al for adding you (because you and Weird Al are soooooooo close), go find the nearest English teacher, slap him for not teaching you better, and then fall prostrate at his feet begging forgiveness and guidance in the ways of grammar and spelling.

Go. Now.